Letter To My Childhood Self

To the little girl with the freckles and the ponytail, I have a few things to share with you. As a child you were obedient, spontaneous, thoughtful, energetic, disciplined, cautious, eager to please, and stubborn in your “you-ness.” These are all traits that would describe you now, so you haven’t lost much…but there are a few things that I have learned along the way that are worth noting, so that you can forgive yourself your naivete back then.

First, you are forever and unconditionally loved…not by anyone in particular but by the Universe as your own unique contribution to the world. By your very existence, you are important to the forging of humanity and community. Your gifts are individual and your interaction with others purposeful so as to be a small part of the progression of society in the framework of love and goodness. Your mistakes are your lessons that launch you onto another plane, one of understanding, empathy, and kindness. Without these lessons, growth is not possible. So embrace every perceived setback as an opportunity to recorrect, redefine, and reignite the passions that drive you and push you towards your eternal stamp on this world.

Second, your heartaches and heartbreaks are tools that help in discovering your true self and your purpose. You will experience many in your lifetime, and each one will teach you something and help you grow up and beyond your ego and into a higher frequency of love and compassion. You will grow to understand that your purpose is NOT to secure a husband but to learn and then teach the lessons of unconditional love that reside beyond possession, power, social expectation, or hierarchy…or dare I say patriarchy. Your ultimate goal is to learn and then teach, by example, that you are loved and worthy just as you are within your own skin…solely…by yourself. Your identity is your own, not tied up in labels, family constructs, or partnerships. As you evolve into the person you are meant to become, you will see that every single relationship, platonic or romantic, has value and serves you in some way.

Third, change is inevitable; you will learn to embrace it. If there is one constant in life, it is that there are no constants. You are meant to evolve, grow, flourish. Life is a cycle, and you will be happier and more successful in life when you learn to bend and turn with the tides of life as opposed to remaining staunchly in one place, anchored to old ideologies and traditions. This will require an open mind and an open heart, filled with a desire for knowledge and a tendency towards compassion. Nonjudgement is essential and will only be found upon self-exploration and fighting your inner demons in order to fully understand your biases, blind spots, and ignorance…so that you can then be open to understanding of others’ paths they choose or are forced to walk. I can’t state enough the importance of an education whether sought through books, academic institutions, trial-and-error, or mentorships. There are many avenues with which to learn so long as you have the desire and the fortitude. An undervalued trait is curiosity; follow yours with reckless abandon…and see where it leads you.

Fourth, family will be as important to you in the future as it feels now. What will surprise you is that your “chosen” family, your friends, will be the buoy that keeps you afloat in the worst of times. So choose wisely. You will, but what this means is, don’t waste your time fretting over friends who flit in and out of your life. Everyone serves a purpose who shows up in your life, but the most meaningful ones will stick around, and they are all you need to sustain you. Let everyone else go and be who they are meant to be. Oh, and be sure to tell them how much they mean to you. You never know when you will no longer have another chance.

Fifth, let go. Maybe the most difficult lesson you will ever learn is to let go. You will have to let go of relationships, friendships, expectations, certain unrealized or post-realized dreams, and even material items that seem important now but are only of this earth and not meant to exist forever. You will be shaken to your core by loss, disappointment, heartache, and fear. BUT you will build yourself back up to a stronger, more certain being…not without scars or trauma but most definitely with newfound confidence and purpose. Life is cyclical so you will constantly be asked to discard the old and usher in the new, in whatever form that takes with regard to the part of life you’re in. You will have to redefine your existence in ways that continuously grow you and honor your heart and your spirit. Not everyone will like this or want to come with you; you must do it anyway…and let go of those who do not wish to follow you. Wish them well in peace and love.

Sixth, you are not too much…ever. When you have an emotion, express it. Don’t numb it but, rather, feel it…all of it. Fully actualized lives come with all sorts of emotions, big and small. As you grow older you will learn to manage them appropriately, but that does not mean you reduce or deaden their effect. Feel everything…and then learn to process them effectively. You will come to see how therapy, journaling, meditation, self-reflection, communication, and study help you navigate the complexity of your emotions, and you will eventually realize that your expression of those emotions, if channeled appropriately, are your superpower.

Seventh, communicate. There is no successful relationship without communication. It is maybe the single most important ingredient aside from compassion that is required in relationships. Learning how to communicate effectively is a skill that requires study as well as practice. Invest in yourself on this one; it will only serve you well. Be patient, open, and transparent…and don’t be afraid to speak your truth and honor yourself, no matter the scenario. The minute you turn your back on your own needs and desires is the day you begin a slow arduous death. It is so easy to fall into the trap of pleasing others, especially when we care about them so much. Just don’t lose yourself and your own needs. Little by little we can forfeit what is best for us as we seek to please others. It can be seductive and so slow and gradual that we don’t notice it until we are in an unrecognizable, unhappy place. Check in with yourself regularly and be sure you are honoring that person.

Eighth, continue to work on your patience. You were never known for that trait growing up. You always wanted to grab the bull by the horns and make things happen. You will learn the necessary and much underestimated quality of patience and how it can assist in your unfolding throughout your life. Take time to evaluate, assess, and think through situations, and give yourself as much time as you need to reach the correct answer for you. Sometimes answers aren’t revealed for quite some time, but you will know when they arrive. Time is always your friend. It is a construct and, therefore, truly infinite. Be patient and trust.

Ninth, be present. The only moment that truly matters is now. When you find yourself stressed with anxiety, ruminating, or worrying about the past or the future…stop. Meditate and feel the present moment. Breathe and be still. If you must think, think about all that you are grateful for in life. You cannot be both anxious and grateful at the same moment. Gratitude, quiet, and serenity ground us into the present where we belong. This will serve you in ways you can’t imagine.

Tenth, be love. This is truly the only existence that matters. There are a multitude of definitions of love and I could recommend some of my favorite books that have taught me the true meaning of love, but if you are not living in a state of love, you are not living the life you are meant to live. Anything other than love is not worthy of you just as you are only worthy of love. It’s a two-way street that requires back-and-forth energy. If ever you need to get close to Spirit, God, or whatever you call your spiritual guide, start with love…express it, give it, receive it, feel it, emanate it in all you do and everyone you interact with. This won’t always be easy, but it will get easier as you fully embrace and love yourself. I certainly love you…for all eternity. You are worthy, loved, and seen. You ARE love.