2018 is almost closed and as I look back, truly so much has happened. I am not going to reflect on the romantic side of my life, which never fails to hold lessons, except to say that each and every year that passes I grow more comfortable in my own skin and in being alone. I am to the point where I prefer it really. I would love to find a partner in life to share my passions, my unique and odd eccentricities, as well as my every day happenings. I would love to find someone who shares in my love of fitness, music, books, and politics…maybe even someone interested in my musings on poetry, theory, science, philosophy, or even movies. But, more important to me, I have the most amazing friends who already give me all of that. To you amazing people, thank you. I have nothing but gratitude for those who give to me their precious time, their beautiful minds, and their unconditional love.

Now moving on to all that I am thankful for this year…

The most rewarding aspect of my life this year came in the form of a kitten. I came upon a breed of cat through my friend, Adri, that is conducive and agreeable to a daughter with cat allergies. Once I discovered that Ashley and a cat could actually coexist, I made plans to bring home my sweet and somewhat ornery Burmese, Phineas. Phin was named after two characters actually: Phineas Taylor (P.T.) Barnum from The Greatest Showman and Fin from Star Wars. I wanted a pet to come home to on the weeks I don’t have my daughter and Nellie Bean (HER dog). Phineas has been an ideal companion, and he is the snuggliest cat I have ever known. I just love him.

Right up there in a tie for the greatest gift this year was the arrival of my niece, Nora Lee. My sister decided to be artificially inseminated, after many years of contemplating, planning, and finally deciding to carry a child. I am so proud of her for making such a major decision and following through to realize a dream for herself. I have noticed massive changes in my sister, all for the better. Nora Lee is the sweetest, most blessed baby, and I couldn’t be more excited to see my sister go through motherhood. She is making it look very easy, especially for a single mom. I truly hope Nora continues to bring her mom and I closer together through the bonds of motherhood.

I have had a year of great strides in my fitness through CrossFit. I started the year out with a shoulder injury. However, once healed, I stepped up my CrossFit goals and began a year committed to better nutrition and more focused goals. What I have seen this year is a transformation in both my body and my mind. I have hit a ton of PRs and goals in my CrossFit skill set, and I have brought my body weight down to 140 lbs. (from a 156 lb. high) with body fat at a lean 14% (down from 22.2% the previous year). Most of that was due to nutrition, which tells you how much nutrition plays a role in the health of our bodies. It has been quite a journey transitioning from a runner’s body (ideal body weight of 120-125 lbs.) to a CrossFit body (ideal body weight of 140 lbs.). I have struggled somewhat in my past with the more muscular build, but I love it now. At the end of the day, what I love the most is being strong and fit and capable of doing things I have never been able to do my entire life such as Olympic lifting, pull-ups (and now bar muscle-ups), and handstand walks…just to name a few. And all of this has happened at the age of 40, an age where many people feel their bodies slowing down. I attribute my accomplishments to my stubbornness but also to my support system, the people I choose to surround myself with, and my conscious decision never to settle and to always keep striving to be a better human. I promised myself a decade ago that I will always choose the difficult path, to keep challenging myself. When we remain complacent, that is when we begin to age and grow old.

I have taken up two more volunteer opportunities this year. I am on the Friends of Planned Parenthood Board as well as a lead organizer with Wolf-PAC Nebraska, an organization dedicated to passing a resolution in the state of Nebraska that will hopefully lead to an amendment in the Constitution to get money out of politics. Without the influence of money in Washington, maybe the legislation passed through Congress will represent the people of this country rather than corporations and the wealthy elite. Both of these causes are near and dear to my heart, which is why I have chosen to give my time to support them.

My job has been a continuous challenge. Sales is difficult. Put human capital and the job of recruitment and job placement in the mix, and one has more stress than I ever thought possible in a position. The cherry on top is that I have always been a perfectionist and put undue pressure on myself to succeed and be the best I can be. What I have found this year, going into my third year at Aureus Medical, is that I need to learn to put my work in perspective with the rest of my life. My company is great about promoting work/life balance, but I still carry around the massive pressure of producing and staying at a high level in production. With so much outside of my control in this industry, it has been rough dealing with my natural anxiety to do well. I have realized recently that my hair is falling out. Before this realization, I went through denial about it and then went to the doctor to see if I was deficient in something that might be causing my hair loss. I am still going to see a dermatologist to rule out all possibilities, but I believe that my hair loss is due to stress. My anxiety this year has caused my hair to fall out in massive amounts. My hair is about half as thick as it used to be. I don’t think that I can blame my job as the sole culprit (there have been other stressors), but I have forced myself to take a step back and truly look at how I am approaching all aspects of my life. Something in my perspective needs to change.

What I have decided to do is to focus almost exclusively on the joy in my life. At my job, I am going to put more focus on my work relationships as opposed to staying in my cube and working my tail off. I will continue to work hard, of course, but I need to lighten my perspective and worry less about production and more about building relationships. This goes for my relationships elsewhere, too…through my volunteer organizations, my CrossFit gym, and with my friendships. I think it was Lennon who said “the joy you take is equal to the joy you make”…or maybe it was “the love you take is equal the love you make”…but it all means the same thing. We are what we believe. I believe I am a good person who wants to realize my fullest potential. I can do that without putting stress on myself. Stress and anxiety don’t solve problems or change outcomes. They only make things worse. We all have the power to change our perspective and only see the good in our situations. We should always reflect and learn from poor or less-than-awesome outcomes, but we shouldn’t dwell on them. We should let them go and move on to bigger and better opportunities that come our way…because they always will.

So…as I embark on 2019 in the middle of my 40^th year, I am SO excited about all the possibilities this coming year will inevitably bring. I am grateful for my expanded family, my truly amazing friends, and my improved outlook on life as I continue on this crazy journey. As always, I am reminded that gratitude is the name of the game and the only effective way to walk through life. I want each of you reading this to know that I love you very much, even if we haven’t always seen eye-to-eye or had a rough spot in our past (as I am sure I have with some of you). We are nothing without our relationships, and I cherish each of you for your unique attributes and for the love & joy you bring to my life.

Thank you for reading, and I wish you all a year of love, joy, and exceptionalism.