I have been thinking a lot about trust lately. I have determined that trust is the link to human connection. Without trust, there can be no true connection. The people we are drawn to and feel comfortable around are generally the ones that we trust. This works at every level of our lives. Why do I continue to see my doctor? I see her because I trust her judgment. I trust that she will take care of me. I choose which friends I spend the most time with because I trust that they will always have my best interests at heart, and I trust that they will let me know when I am not living up to my potential. I know they will be there when I need them, and they know that I have the best intentions in my interactions with them. I pick my presidential candidate based on whom I trust. Based on his record, I feel Bernie Sanders is the most trust-worthy candidate, and I believe that he will work for the people, not for corporate interests.

How do we know we can trust people? Sometimes it is just a feeling. When I interacted with my coaches at CrossFit Elkhorn for the first time, I had a sense that they not only knew what they were doing but that they cared and were deeply passionate…about CrossFit but also about their members. Sometimes trust is earned. I have had to put a bit of a wall up with dating men, for example, because too many times trust was broken when I gave it away too freely. So these days trust must be earned in that department. It is a way of protecting oneself, but it is also necessary because I have come to find that there are so many elements and layers and complexities at play when it comes to finding a partner in the romantic arena of life. Without that wall, so many things can go wrong, things that aren’t always anybody’s fault. And then there are the times where trust is broken. When trust is broken, we have to take a step back and reevaluate who this person is to us. Did we get it wrong? Or did they simply make a mistake? Trust can be re-established, but it requires a lot more work. Ultimately, we must ask ourselves: Are they showing up for the little things in life? It is in those small moments where trust is earned.

Brene Brown, a well-known researcher of vulnerability and trust, says that trust is built in very small moments. She talks about earning trust one marble at a time. She says, “Whose marble jars are full?” In other words, which people in your life continue to fill your marble jar with moments that build that trust? Brene continues to define trust as “choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.” Without allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we cannot build trust and make ourselves open to true connection. In order to open ourselves up to others, we must first learn to trust ourselves. I haven’t always been so trusting of myself. The reason? I really didn’t know who I was or what I stood for. Over the years, I have done the work to determine just who I am and who I want to be. Because I have taken the time to really get to know me, determine where I stand on issues, and vocalize what I will and will not accept from others in my life, I can now go forward with confidence knowing I will not sell myself short, and I will not behave in a manner that is dishonoring myself or others. It wasn’t all that pretty getting to this point. I made some rather disastrous and painful mistakes, and sometimes I still make them. Do I regret them? Of course. If I could take them back, I would. However, I did manage to learn some huge lessons from those mistakes. That is the silver lining. If you acknowledge and own your part in the breakdown of relationships and trust, you set yourself up to rise above it and set on a course of true connection filled with honesty, openness, and integrity.

I could talk for pages and pages and pages about my journey into authenticity, vulnerability, and trust. I hope to write a book about it one day. But today I leave you with just one question to ask yourself:

Who is consistently filling up your marble jar and building that trust in all the small, yet meaningful ways?

Reciprocate by filling up their marble jars with your love, openness, trust, and vulnerability. Do not wait around for a certain person to do this for you. Let that person go. Take notice of those in your life who are already doing this on a consistent basis and give back to them. Over time, you will find that you attract more of the same kind of person, those who fill up your marble jar rather than take away from it. You have to trust the process and trust in yourself.

For a look at Brene Brown’s The Anatomy of Trust talk, follow this link:

http://www.supersoul.tv/supersoul-sessions/the-anatomy-of-trust