It is the end of 2015, a good time to reflect on the past year. I have had some difficult years emotionally…years that literally brought me to my knees. This was a difficult year on many levels, but I have had worse. I honestly believe that only the best of my life is in front of me. The challenges I’ve been through have made me stronger than I can imagine, and I refuse to have anything other than a positive outlook for the future. Nothing I have been through has gotten the best of me. This past year’s challenges were more of an inconvenience than anything else. At the end of the day, I still have my family, friends, and my daughter…the three things most important to me. I am so blessed with a good job, a roof over my head, and so much love in my life.

I’ve learned many lessons this year. One is being less political. I will always be political to some extent and will voice my concerns where I feel it is absolutely necessary or I am called to speak. However, in recent months I have tried to internalize most of my thoughts on political issues because speaking out breeds more hate and contempt in others than it does do anything positive. I feel confident in myself that I can have a constructive debate with the opposition that is rooted in facts and thoughtful consideration & rhetoric, but I have learned that many cannot. So, for now, I am just choosing my battles a little more wisely.

Another lesson I have learned this year is to scale back my spending and focus on what is most important to me. I had a bad year financially with a lot of unexpected expenses. It has put me in a bit of a predicament that I now have to work my way out of. I am confident I can do this, but I have to get creative in my entertainment choices for the next year or two. I have always felt that money issues can make us the most humble of beings, and I look forward to the challenge of remembering what I value most…and none of it is monetary. I just hope my friends will support me in this endeavor because I value my time with them, which usually entails dinner and drinks out or some type of travel…in other words, money.

Going into my eighth year in a row of being single, I’ve learned a few lessons in love as well. In the past I can safely say that I have chosen to be single. I seem to always choose men in situations where I know it is impossible to commit. I don’t think I dated a single guy that lived in this state up until this past year. Everybody I dated lived long distance. At the time I just thought I couldn’t meet anybody here, but I think it was more than that. I shut myself off from meeting anybody here. I did enter into a relationship with a guy at the end of last year that lasted about six months. Ironically, we met in Wisconsin (at the WI vs. NE football game) even though we both live in Nebraska. After being married to my high school sweetheart for my entire twenties, I just haven’t been in a hurry to settle down with anybody. I needed to figure out who I was and how to be completely independent, not just financially and physically, but emotionally. When you have dated the same guy since you were seventeen, you are bound to end up in a codependent relationship. That was my reality until I decided to take that scary step called divorce. Seven years into singlehood though, and I am confident in who I am and what I want. The relationship that ended in June was a train wreck. Not only was the guy not good for me, but I didn’t make him treat me very well. He was charismatic and fun and larger than life in many ways, but I realized eventually that he was a guy who couldn’t be alone and I was his “for now” girl. He could be really sweet and then turn around and be extremely insensitive. Overall, he’s a good guy, but he was very selfish in our relationship. Looking back, I am so glad I ended it and that it didn’t work out. I have zero regrets. The lesson I learned from that relationship is that he was fun as a “for now” guy, but I am finally ready to find the forever guy. It has taken me a long time to admit that I even want a forever guy, but I do. My newly found independent self is scared to death of this, but it is okay to be independent yet still want romantic, consistent, dependable love in your life.

I have never been a fan of dating. I tried Tinder for about three days and had to get off of it. I am just not the type of girl who is going to meet “the one” through a dating site. I have nothing against them; they just aren’t for me. I need to meet someone organically. It has to feel natural. That’s just how I roll. So…that brings me to my New Year’s Resolutions for 2016. And here they are…

1. Go on a spending diet. I want to use my creativity to come up with meaningful and fun things to do without losing touch with all of my friends whom I value so much. I also want to remind myself of what I value most in this world, and it doesn’t involve money. I want to cut down on the material b.s. in my life and focus on those things that don’t cost money: writing more emails to loved ones or picking up the phone, spending quality time at home with my daughter, going for a hike and a picnic or having friends over for dinner instead of going through the drive-through or out to dinner. I want to play more games and actually converse and spend less time on my phone or on Facebook. I want to read and write more and spend less time watching Netflix or reruns of The Big Bang Theory (the only thing on T.V. when you have basic cable). In other words, I want to CONNECT with others, not merely co-exist.
2. I want to be less political and more compassionate. In all honesty, these two things should go hand in hand. One should only be political if they put compassion first, but I know all too well that almost never happens in our world. So…I am going to always lead with compassion when speaking about politics. And I will try to promote that in others as well.
3. I will put all of my romantic energy into being open to finding the right person for me instead of wasting time with that “for now” person. There are certain things I won’t put up with any longer. I will be very clear about what I want, and I will let go of those who aren’t in the same place or want the same things as me. I will also be conscious of not downplaying important parts of myself that I am afraid could scare the right person away. The reality is that I am a very progressive, intellectual, strong, and independent-minded person living in a very conservative part of the country. This has posed a problem for me in finding a man who values those things. I don’t have a problem dating someone who may differ from me on certain views, but I need someone who is willing to have the debate and is also open-minded and willing to entertain my thoughts and ideas. My mind is never completely made up, and there is always room to learn more.

Three goals is probably enough of a focus for one year. I will always have the goal of staying fit and running races. That never needs to be a goal because it is just part of my DNA. I am stepping out of my box to do a CrossFit competition (no pun intended for you CrossFit junkies). I have been doing CrossFit off and on for about three and a half years now. I have been off for quite some time until the last two months. I would like to stay on indefinitely this year. It is so good for me, and I really do love it when I dedicate myself to it full-time. I have never been a casual goal setter. I am an all-or-nothing kind of person. So if I am going to do something, it has to be all out. It is my blessing and my curse. I guess that translates to how I approach love as well. I have never been good at casual dating. If I am dating you, it is because I really like you and want it to go somewhere. If it isn’t going anywhere, it is already dead and doomed to fail. So…having accepted these things about myself, I am so excited for what 2016 will bring. Your life can change in a single moment. Treasure everything that life brings you: the good, the bad, the joyful, and the painful. It is all there to teach a lesson. I genuinely love my life, and I can’t wait to tackle those goals I have set for myself! Happy New Year to all of you and may your 2016 be filled with love, joy, challenges, and obstacles that make you feel strong and alive.

Side note: If there is one book you should read this year and haven’t, it should be Ta-Nehisi Coates’s Between the World and Me. My prediction is that it will be required reading in schools one day. There are many others I could recommend, but his moved me the most in 2015.

*Photo taken by yours truly on the Wabash Trace Trail near Mineola, IA while on a 9 mile run.