It is January 12th, almost halfway into the first month of 2025. I am finally gaining the motivation to encapsulate my state of mind in the New Year as I write my annual reflection and intentions for 2025. This, after weeks of chaos due to the incoming President-elect in Donald Trump for a second term, a candidate I did not nor would ever vote for. I am, unfortunately, acutely aware of the damage his presidency will do to this country, and I can only try to hang on for dear life while speaking out against his inevitable injustices. But I don’t want to talk about politics in this post. This annual endeavour has always been a more personal reflection of my own development and where I seek to go in the New Year on this journey called life. But I felt it necessary to set the stage of my state of mind, an anxiety-filled one with what’s to come…but I refuse to let that knowing stop my own growth and impact on others. 

I am in a time of transition with Ash out of the house and out of the country. It is a time where I get to write a new chapter, one containing much more freedom with my parental obligations now fulfilled. But with freedom comes a higher level of anxiety in terms of what my purpose in life is supposed to be going forward or, rather, what I want it to be…or if I even want a purpose at all beyond gratifying my own personal indulgences. At this middle age of 46, I still have so much life left to live (should I be so lucky) and do not wish to squander it. 

I have a friend considering a whole new career in the medical field, other friends who still have kids at home. I am in a place where I want to secure my financial future, so I don’t want to go back to school for another degree despite a lifelong desire for a PhD. But if I want to change careers, now would be the time, not later. But also, I really want to travel, especially because my daughter is halfway around the world going to school. So, again, money takes priority over changing up my career. I am not rushing myself in decision but simply contemplating what I could do with this newfound freedom. Another best friend and I had discussed many times throughout our friendship opening a coffee shop together, and we are getting to a point in our lives soon where that might be do-able. I would love that. It is actually quite a privilege to have options, and that is what gives me feelings of gratitude. I have so many options. 

And so, I really want to focus this next 1-3 years on planting seeds for the future. Get my financial affairs in order, build a larger safety net, and lay the foundation for what I want my future decades to look like. So what do I want those decades to look like? I want to be doing something I love rather than something that ensures financial stability only. I want my life to be peaceful, joyful, and stable, surrounded by my friends, books, and companionship (which both friends and books provide). I want to build community in my life to an extent that it has been missing these last many years. I want to create more time for my desired community (rather than forced community) and less time trying to earn, build, and conquer. I want to ensure I have more creativity in my life and less obligations. Creativity is what gives us optimism and happiness as opposed to the anxiety induced by obligation. I want to rely less on schedule and more on purpose, continuing to include the things that matter to me such as movement, friendship, and continuous learning, but in such a way that is less rigid and restrictive and more inspired and free-flowing, spontaneous and real in purpose. 

I have been struggling a bit with the aging process, as most women do (and men, to be honest). I have noticed perimenopausal symptoms and the inevitable grey hairs and wrinkles as well as the slow but steady spread of the waist and body as my lean muscular frame begins to soften and expand despite my best efforts to stay active and healthy. It is an inevitable transformation, even with the greatest means to stop it of which I only have access to a few (I invest heavily in gym access, nutritional food, and other preventive methods such as chiropractic and regular massages). We spend our whole lives trying to be in shape, healthy, pretty, and successful, only to see it slowly wither beyond our control (not the successful part, but the rest). Yes, it is part of life, but that doesn’t make it easy to accept. So part of my seed planting has included my mental health. I have always invested in a therapist at different phases of my life, but I have spent a lot of my recent months and years exploring self-love beyond how I present to the world. I want to be one-hundred percent comfortable in who I am no matter what I look like or even what I do or am capable of. I have always measured my self-worth in both my self-care and in my acts of doing. I use those terms loosely, but we are raised to be both beautiful and useful (aka successful). I don’t want to use that measuring stick for myself any longer. I want to know I am worthy simply for existing and for trying to be the best person I can be regardless of what I’ve accomplished or how I look. And as we get older in a society that does not value the elderly, I want to be of value to the ones I love most, both my friends and family and to the community at large. I do that by continuing to invest in those things and to contribute in ways that I feel my expertise and love I have to offer will be most useful. The great thing about getting older and having kids leave the nest is that we have more time to do just that.

This next year won’t have concrete goals (other than a specific financial goal I have set for myself). My larger goal is to be more present in my current life and to slowly navigate it into a state of being that brings me more creativity, friendship, and happiness overall. I have methods in which to do this, which may end up being another post as I want to get back to incorporating more writing into my life to satisfy that creative muscle. That state of being will include monitoring and limiting how much time I spend on social media, creating more time for reading and writing as well as more walks in nature, and incorporating more quality time with those I love while finding ways to build a positive, supportive community. Community is what we are missing in this country right now…in person community, not social media communities. Despite the absolutely devastating election results, I am determined to live my personal life in a state of positivity and grace while also speaking truth to power and holding corrupt politicians and their lackeys accountable when they use government overreach to try to consolidate and concentrate their power. We must still speak up, we must find our support systems in our community, and we must also continue to live joyful, creative lives in order to thrive in the face of some terrible stuff that is coming. Peace and love to all of you, my lovely readers, and thank you for taking the time.