I am an empath. An empath is someone who is sensitive to the emotions and frame of mind of others and, as a result, feels more empathy than an average human. An empath takes in the emotional energy from those around them and, essentially, feels all the feelings. This existence can be exhausting and draining, which is why most empaths need a lot of alone time. One of the byproducts of being an empath is an inherent sense of justice. I am hyper tuned in to injustice and inequality both in my personal life and within society. This results in my need to speak out on such issues, whether they be individual or systemic. I am trained to think systemically, which is why I write so much about the systemic issues in our political and civil arenas.

The downside to this, aside from the emotional and even physical exhaustion, is the exposure I put myself in. As more of an introvert, I don’t necessarily like attention, at least not the kind that can draw criticism. But with my vocal stances, sometimes quite unpopular in this conservative state, I often draw criticism from those who think differently. What I have realized is that much of the time, this criticism is in reaction to the fact that I create discomfort in others around issues related to race, misogyny, bigotry, etc. I say the thing that challenges people’s behavior, thought-processes, and overall perspectives. Most humans don’t like to be challenged or have a mirror put in front of them. Empaths generally welcome it because it is rather unavoidable; we inherently understand others’ struggles and we want to take their pain away. That is not to say that we are always right; we have a learning curve on human behavior and blindspots like anyone else, but have an advantage in that we can’t avoid the connection that empathy facilitates, and that gives us a jump start in collective human understanding. I would go so far as to say, when cultivated effectively, it can even be a superpower. 

Being someone who feels others’ emotions and more easily identifies with their situations, I can also be a target for those who seek to take advantage of my empathy. One type of person who easily does this are narcissists. I have known quite a few narcissists in my day, and they use empaths to feed their egos, gathering their required supply by gaining the trust of an empath and manipulating them through love bombing followed by projection and gaslighting in order to control their behavior. This dynamic is well-documented, so I won’t go through it here, but it is a known pitfall of being an empath. Once you learn the warning signs though, it is easier to sidestep these toxic individuals. 

Navigating an empathic life can be treacherous, but it can also be rewarding. I often ask people the question, “Would you rather be blissfully ignorant or treacherously aware and self-examined?” My personal answer is always self-aware, even though I know it makes life harder in some ways. It puts me in a category where many don’t understand me because they haven’t done the self work that takes them out of a defensive way of being; they haven’t separated themselves from the pitfalls of others’ judgment long enough to define who they are and how or why they exist as they do in the world. So much of human behavior is driven through societal norms and pressures. Only self-awareness and self-exploration take us out of those constructs and allow us to determine our own view on the world, dictating our own “whys” in our choices and behaviors. Societal indoctrination is unavoidable; however, unlearning is always a choice as well. Through self-analysis, education, therapy, open-mindedness, and a healthy level of skepticism, we can overcome societal indoctrination and bias. We can break down barriers of division and isolation. But it requires the bravery of standing alone sometimes, of being the outsider until others see the light of a new type of existence. Breaking away from indoctrination and bias is its own freedom, allowing us to see the potential of a life unburdened by judgment and criticism. Empathy is where it starts. In empaths, empathy is inherent, but it can also be learned…through education, awareness, love, patience, forgiveness, etc. It is difficult work, but empathy is how we can move through this world and change it. You see, empathy creates connection…and connection is how we get along in this world. Healthy societies cannot exist without connection and connection cannot exist without empathy.

Empaths should rule the world. Unfortunately, humans have a tendency to follow strong men, those who seek to control (the opposite of empaths). They do this because they want to feel safe and strong men give the illusion of safety through control whereas empaths request and require cooperation. We are in a moment right now where those who live in fear, in a myopic existence of right versus wrong, are demanding a strong man to save them much like their religious beliefs require Jesus to save them. It is a narrative they are familiar with. But there is no strong man who will save us; we create our own destinies, and those destinies require cooperation which requires empathy and an ability to coexist through respect and acceptance. Strong men do not want cooperation; they want to rule. They want power. Collective cooperation threatens that power; empathy threatens that power. Monotheistic religions that dominate American culture promote the idea that one powerful being can and will save us, that we should worship said deity and follow the rules of that deity. The “absolute” nature of moral Christians dictate that we follow a code rather than promoting an acceptance and understanding of different perspectives. Staunch fundamentalists argue against relativity, creating no room for ambiguity. I see this as lazy because it means humans don’t have to think or grapple with very complex issues like the meaning of life and the gray areas that inevitably come out of that grappling. The reality is that when arguing between absolutism and relativity, there can be an argument made for either…both arguments are human constructs but don’t recognize the fall out of extremism on either side. This is why I have to fall on the relativity side because taking a side on this argument is absolutism within itself and does not leave room for exception. We will never be free of exceptions in any context and, therefore, must grapple with them. Empathy allows for that grappling. Eastern culture argues for the balance between yin and yang, and I tend to agree; it allows for the inevitable gray area.

I once read an argument as to why empathy is bad, a case against empathy. It basically said that empathy can lead to emotionally illogical and irrational responses. Of course, when empathy is operating from an unhealthy foundation, just like with anything it can have bad consequences. Empathy can come with emotional bias and a tendency to act out through emotion alone, leaving logic and rationale behind. But this can be the case with any emotional response to something, whether based in empathy or not. So it is important to have a strong emotional foundation and a level of self-awareness that allows us to maintain a level head in situations. It shouldn’t be an argument against empathy. Empathy is fundamental to cooperative societies, and cooperative societies are fundamental in creating functional democracies.