Midnight blue, painfully quiet and alone, breath shallow, wailing sobs cut the night.

A chasm has opened wide in my heart,

And there’s an unspeakable sharp ache in my wrenched twisting gut,

Where security, nostalgia, and hope used to reside.

It had created a tepid home inside me, one with unstable floor boards and rickety stairs,

Haunted by ghosts of unmet expectations and unrealized dreams.

I burn that house to the ground,

And lay myself naked and bare on the unforgiving concrete,

Rain and ash falling all around me,

Washing away all my sins and preparing me for a rise that will take a decade to ascend.

But I grow those Phoenix wings and make a temporary nest in a palm tree,

Renewing and reinventing myself.

This eternal transformation prepares me for the next chapter,

With reminders along the way of my lowest point,

That moment I realize my childhood dream is dead and I have not a clue where I am going,

Only that I lost everything.

Who knew that in losing everything, I would gain my Self,

My own identity, and a life built on my own terms?

Who knew that in my lowest point, my life as I knew it scattered to the wind,

I would birth a new dream:

One of self-confidence, independence, enlightened and self-sustaining potential, growing into a tall oak tree,

A symbol of honor, nobility, and wisdom;

A self-respect that won’t ever shake me or turn my life to ash again…

This time my home is permanent;

I reside inside that scarred heart, filled with love and gratitude.

My gut, though occasional flutterings of doubt, will never endure the debilitating pain of hopelessness again.

It is sustained by self love first, friendship second, and lastly, by the spirit of knowing that all will be well in the home of a warrior goddess who understands that there never really are such things as endings…

For where one thing ends, something always begins.