I think I am finally learning my lesson on men…like the whole picture…not just in soundbite chunks of relationship advice that every relationship guru entrepreneur tries to peddle.

The bottom line is men (and people in general) will consistently disappoint us, especially when we have high expectations.

We have to decide who is worthy of our love and patience and who we should move on from.

The most obvious and important question to determine a man’s worthiness as a partner is “Does he respect me?” Based on his actions, that can be fairly easy to ascertain IF we are not making excuses for bad behavior and are being real about what is going on between us.

Then we have to decide if we value him as a friend because the likelihood of things working out isn’t necessarily great. (It takes a lot of incompatible partners to find the one…if we aren’t here to settle.) But friendship is always an option and a goal. If we value his friendship, we should continue showing love and patience to determine if the relationship could blossom into more.

And I have finally figured out that sexual stuff cannot happen for a long time into the start of dating. It clouds everything and takes the focus away from what matters. I mean, don’t get me wrong…sex matters…but not before friendship and respect. So wait as long as possible before throwing yourself at a guy…even if you really just want to get laid. We’ve all been there, me included …especially if you don’t do casual sex (which I personally don’t. It doesn’t mean I haven’t, but it just doesn’t work for me. I have no judgment toward those women whom it does work for…you go, girl). Sleeping with a guy too soon is not always worth it in the short term if the guy is actually worth a long term relationship. Sometimes you really just need to build up that tension which only exists if there is interest, respect, and trust. I think people confuse “mystery” (whatever that is) and game-playing (which is stupid) with the act of showing true intention and patience and an effort to get to know somebody on a real level without the physicality. I have fucked this up many times (no pun intended). But I get it now. As someone who was married for my entire twenties and who doesn’t actively date, this has taken me a long time to learn.

Ultimately, I do think the right person at the right time will come easily, but I also think the above advice will help it along and go much more smoothly. But hey…what do I know? I was married young, divorced after a decade, and have been single for another decade, sporadically dating various men. I’d like to think I have learned a thing or two, but love really doesn’t make any sense in the end…am I right? I still think the right person will be natural and easy. Take my advice or don’t, but I find that it will be my best way forward. Just don’t forget to be genuine and never compromise your most valued morals and beliefs. No guy is ever worth that.