I watched a documentary tonight that posed a question: Why do we withhold love? I truly feel it is what we are put on this earth to do…to love. Yet our pain prevents us from exposing it sometimes…from feeling it…from giving it. Many of us don’t even understand truly what it is. Our relationships serve to teach us…how to forgive, how to co-exist peacefully, how to share, but mostly how to love. Our relationships with other people are mirrors that show us how we need to grow and change. Many times the biggest lessons that present themselves are with those we clash with. Those mirrors sometimes show us what we don’t like about ourselves and what we need to face or change.

If you have been reading my writing, you know I am big on authenticity. I don’t want to see the mask you are trying to present, a version of you that you think I might like. I don’t want version 2.4. I want the original…the one who has flaws and scars and isn’t afraid to show them. I want to see you walk truthfully and speak honestly. I don’t want anyone to be afraid of my judgement. I see through your pain and into your potential, your beauty. Am I perfect? No. Sometimes I am withdrawn and grumpy. Sometimes my anxiety or fear gets the best of me, and it comes out in the form of anger. But I always reflect on my behavior and usually find peace in the act of seeing another’s point of view and openly speaking my truth, sometimes including an apology with that truth.

We are all vulnerable to assumptions, expectations, and misunderstandings with others. This is why I push communication so much. We can’t read the minds of others. The only way to  get at another’s truth is to listen. So we must open ourselves up to receiving just as the other person must be willing to show or speak their truth. Most of us at times fail on both ends of this interaction. We allow our emotions to guide us instead of faith. The faith I speak of is a knowing that all will turn out as it should despite our fears, anxieties, or expectations. But in order to build these authentic relationships, we must get comfortable with being uncomfortable, and we must be willing to have difficult conversations. This requires vulnerability and trust in the other person. And successful conversations require non-judgment, openness, and frankness. Press into those relationships in order to grow and to gain understanding. Every single person has a story and every single person can teach us something new about ourselves that will help us grow into a more enlightened and empathic being.

Love is sharing fellowship with another in any capacity. Why do we withhold it? Why do we wear masks to hide our true nature and cause pain and confusion where mutual understanding could exist instead? I have advice for you. When you need your truth heard, say what you need to say. And when you are afraid to speak or confront, speak your truth anyway. When we go into situations with love and openness, only good can come out. Even if the other person doesn’t want to receive it, they too will have to confront their demons eventually, and your truth will have at least eliminated confusion and opened the door to acceptance. By speaking your truth and showing who you are, you have given them a gift and freed them from the shackles of illusion. We all must face things we don’t want to…but at least we are redirected to what is meant for us.

You see, the love I speak of isn’t all about romance and commitments. The love I speak of is a kind of generosity and compassion we should show to all beings we interact with. When we show up as our authentic selves, we are set free because growth opportunities are exposed and we can begin the process of healing our insecurities, our fears, and our wounds. When we accept others, they accept us in return…just as we are. What a beautiful world we would live in if we were all accepted exactly as we are…in our mess and in our pain, doing life imperfectly…but trying to improve each day.

I had a really difficult day yesterday. I was in the muck. I was depressed and feeling lonely. So I reached out to my friend via text. I sent her a blog post I had written that night. She always has the words. I allowed her to see me in all my sadness of the day, and she responded in the only way my dear friend can…with eloquence and understanding. I allowed her to see me, and she reminded me of who I really am. She wrote,

“No. I don’t believe this. This is you working through a day. I don’t see this in your open laugh- the one where you throw your head back and bellow to the heavens that this is enough. These moments. Bursts of happiness that defy the slog of reality. That beat back the oppressive, the mundane, the heartache. You exist, you BREATHE, in those moments. Not here. Not in the loneliness. We don’t live here, but God, do we visit.”

She gave me just the words I needed…words I would never have heard had I not opened myself up to her, showing her all my misery in that moment…moments that we all have once in a while…because we are human. And then she sent me a picture of myself being goofy one day a while back. She sees me for who I truly am (thank God) because I allow her to…and, therefore, she knows what I need to hear. That’s true relationship; that’s love. So stop withholding yours…because you need those people in your life. If they can’t truly see you, they can’t truly love you and show up for you in whatever capacity they are meant to.

I have had to let down my walls with many people in my life…family, friends, lovers…I am still not always good at it, but I always try to be open, honest, and willing to share as much of myself as I can…to honor my truth of the moment. We owe it to ourselves and to each other to always bring as much of our true selves to the table as possible. And if you don’t like who that person is, then you know what exactly you need to work on and change. So stop withholding your self. Stop withholding love. Let your light shine for the world to see. Only then will you be truly free.