I once dated someone almost twelve years younger than me. In my defense, I was 34 and thought he was 27. He was 22 1/2 and thought I was 27. The point is, it didn’t matter. He was the best guy I have dated in my decade of being single…by far. We had an awesome time together. Inevitably, it didn’t work out because we were at different places in our lives and only about a thousand miles apart, but to this day he has been the kindest, most generous, mature person I have ever been with…and he was always there for me no matter what (still is). Age doesn’t matter, peeps. I mean, make sure it’s legal 😂…but connection is connection. It may not work out in the long run, but how many relationships actually do? Relationships are constantly evolving. Sometimes they evolve together and sometimes they evolve apart. When two people grow apart, it isn’t easy to separate, but it’s sometimes necessary unless you are both committed to working towards a path together.

I have a history of dating guys who are younger than me. I attribute it mostly to looking younger than I am and letting guys pursue me as opposed to vice versa. I actually never minded it until the recurring theme became apparent…that we were in different places either in our lives or maturity-wise. I have developed a bit of a complex about it. I would really like to date guys who are closer to my age and life experience, but I also have noticed that I don’t really fit the mold of any particular generation, but rather, I am fluid through different mind sets. I think that is part of being a didactic thinker who always looks at the bigger picture. Ultimately, I simply want to meet a good soul…someone who understands the world the way I do, who is fun, intelligent, takes care of themselves mentally, emotionally, and physically…but also someone who I am incredibly attracted to. That, of course, can be developed over time but usually requires some sort of effect at the outset. I have no problem going slow and getting to know one another, but the other person must be invested in the process.

All relationships require work. Many times we aren’t willing to put in the work. There is nothing wrong with that, but if you love someone and they love you, it can be done. My hope for myself is to find that partner that I am willing to put in the work for. I don’t have a type. I have dated men of different sizes, colors, and interests. I have fallen for guys who are on completely different ends of the spectrum. My struggle has been, first, in finding someone I have a physical and emotional reaction to and really like on the outset. It happens to me about once every two to three years. When I do meet someone with potential, there are many reasons why it didn’t or couldn’t work out. Finding a true partner is rare, I think. Finding that person that totally gets me and I totally get him, and we are compatible and willing to put in the work…so rare…especially when you know yourself and what you are looking for, have high standards, and won’t put up with much bullshit or disrespect.

I am a believer of energy. God, to me, is this energetic force that runs through every single particle in the Universe. It is the reason prayer works. We all put out energy that is either positive or negative and transferred to others. We operate at a frequency conducive to our energy level. I do believe in the Law of Attraction and that the energy I put out will attract a similar energy at a similar frequency. I always try to operate at a high frequency, which is in a positive frame of mind. Like all humans, sometimes my ego drags me down a notch as I give in to my insecurities and lies that keep most people stuck and operating at a low frequency.

How do we move back up to a high frequency? Connect with and help people. Practice gratitude. Remain positive. Attempt to communicate with others in a way that seeks understanding and compassion. Avoid depressants like alcohol (I am not great at that one). Fill your mind with positive thoughts and affirmations. Learn something new. Seek out all things in nature. Don’t believe the lies your ego mind is trying to tell you. All those negative thoughts are falsehoods we have created through our childhood, learned behavior we absorbed from an imperfect society we were raised in. Comparison is futile. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Finding our unique gifts and owning our own place in the world, that is our purpose here. That is what matters, and we all have those strengths that raise us up to our purpose.

One of the biggest falsehoods that society tells us and we tell ourselves is that we are not worthy all on our own without a partner, a degree, a bank account, or a YouTube channel. We are worthy right this minute as we are…worthy of love, affection, an education, healthcare…we are worthy of being the best person we can be. We only have to make the choice to invest in ourselves. And it starts with our state of mind and our choices. Learn how to read the signs the Universe is giving you. Follow the path that is guiding you every day. Do the work but then watch doors open as we do that work to become who we were meant to be.

I know, I know…it sounds too easy, too good to be true. Will we have obstacles? Yes, God willing! But those obstacles are the lessons that teach us how to be more open, more comfortable in our own skin, more able to endure tough things that will inevitably happen to us. Obstacles teach us perspective and help us appreciate the climb and, ultimately, the pinnacle we are trying to reach.

This piece started out about a guy I dated a long time ago…but that guy I dated taught me what I wanted in a man, and he taught me how to mend a broken heart, and he taught me to follow my own path whole-heartedly. If I had written him off due to his age, I would have missed out on so many lessons. I followed my heart and intuition. I was lucky to have met him. Be open to life and all that it brings you. Take risks…in love, in career, in friendships, in life. You will falter and flounder at times…but it is always an upward trajectory. You will get where you want to be…eventually. Have Faith, believe in your positive energy, and don’t forget to love others and yourself along the way.