A Robin pecks at the ground nearby, signs of spring dawning.

This is a time for hope and all things new. It is the season of rebirth.

But I only see a world literally flooded in devastation and confusion.

The cold, wet landscape bites into my nerves, forcing me back inward.

What hope I felt a few days ago has been replaced with a looming realization that I have no control over my fate, even when I do everything with the best of intentions.

My patience for a future yet to be revealed is waning into a certain despair that my future may only exist in a repeat cycle of sameness and stagnation.

All these years I have remained optimistic that everything will work out if we stay true to our own path.

That unfolding, for me, has happened much slower than I had hoped.

I do see progress…in my life situation, in my emotional growth, and in all my relationships.

But this winter…

I feel raw, beat down, tired.

I look up at the sky to see a raven cast a shadow over my words…words meant to soothe, but I feel nothing.

Is despondency a feeling? An emotion? It’s an anti-emotion.

Each and every day we can only do our best and make the right choices in the moment.

We hope that our efforts are enough to lead us to happiness and peace.

I assume that is where faith enters…I want to do right by people, especially people I love.

I want to have faith in others, too. That is a little more difficult. But I must…because I need them to have faith in me. It is a two-way street.

We must prepare a solid foundation of strength and self-love so that another can enter our world with the ability to grow.

I cast out no one. My love is infinite…any consequences of trusting another do not have to affect me. They only do if I let them.

My power lies in my ability to trust and love myself…and to let others be who they need to be…without judgement.

I think it is time to let winter go into hibernation along with my melancholy.

The clean up will be a monstrous task, but with destruction inevitably comes growth.

We will rebuild something more beautiful than was there before.

The sun is out, the temperature is rising.

If you wait long enough, there is always hope somewhere, peeking through the clouds that eventually separate.

I want to love him. Maybe someday…in the aftermath of this long winter.