I was sitting with my dad the other night talking about the day, life, events, etc. We were talking about my siblings and me, and our “status” in life (we’re all single). He made a comment to me that we (us kids) are all a little bit weird…except for maybe Andrew. (Side note: Weird is considered a good thing in my own household with Ashley…and it should also be noted that Drew is absolutely just as weird haha.) I laughingly said, “Wait, why am I weird?” My dad responded, “Well, you’re divorced, “ (I responded that everyone’s divorced these days), and he said jokingly, “and you’re a man hater.” To be honest, I was really taken aback by that comment. I understand that many people who misunderstand feminism and systemic oppression of women might make the assumption that I am a man hater because I speak out on important issues related to my gender and, frankly, they are ignorant in that way. However, I honestly didn’t think that my own father felt the same way. I know that he said it jokingly, but I also know on some level he wasn’t joking. On some level he is ashamed of the fact that I speak out on women’s issues and that I don’t give men a pass in a world where we need them, more than ever, to NOT be inappropriate or silent in the face of discrimination, inequality, harassment, and rape culture. We need feminist men to become our allies because, ultimately, change will never occur until they do.

I let go of any semblance of shame a long time ago in my own life; I forgave myself my mistakes and still do so today. There was a time, in my late teens and early twenties, when I didn’t have an opinion on politics. I always used the excuse that I didn’t know enough and wasn’t interested enough…and that was true (and that was also my privilege showing…but that’s another discussion). But then I finally grew up. I have spent over a decade paying attention, learning, studying, becoming familiar with issues…to the point that I can no longer ignore oppression when I see it, and I can no longer be silent. It’s amazing…when you truly understand what is going on in a society and spend time and effort learning about what is actually happening, you form very strong opinions that prevent any chance of sitting on the sidelines. My dad was my coach in many sports from the time I was a small girl. He taught me to get in the game and NOT sit on the sidelines. He taught me to use my natural ability, skills, training, strength, and intelligence to make a difference on the court, field, and track…all arenas of athletics. Now that I am at a more advanced level of knowledge when it comes to politics, I can no longer stay out of the arena. I guess I thought my dad would be proud of me for getting in the game and not going down without a fight. It is surreal to think that he would prefer I sit this one out.

From the time I was a little girl my dad was my hero. I looked up to him in every aspect of life. All I ever wanted was to make him proud…and still do. So it has been a very difficult transition in my life over recent years to see the separation occurring in our fundamental beliefs. There is a gap between us where we no longer see eye-to-eye on everything. Gone are the days where we have philosophical conversations that end with us both on the same side. I do believe that some of that gaping hole is due to our generation gap; that is somewhat inevitable. But I think where I still get upset is in the realization that my parents don’t even want to know where I am coming from. They aren’t even curious as to why I am so passionate about my beliefs. Partially due to their generation, they would rather avoid the political discussion than have serious conversations that affect the lives of millions of Americans, including their own children and grandchildren. One thing I know for sure…if my daughter and I don’t see eye-to-eye on an issue, I definitely want to know and truly understand where she is coming from. I want to know how her brain works and how she draws the conclusions that she does. And I know that I can (and will) learn from her as much as her from me. If we can’t talk politics with our own family, how are we ever going to be able to have important discussions with anyone else? My frustrations really aren’t that my parents don’t believe in the things I believe in; instead they mostly stem from the fact that my parents don’t seem to even want to know where I am coming from. They don’t want to hear me or my “crazy” views…so they shut me out. That is painful. Thankfully, I have plenty of friends and family who do listen and contribute to these important conversations.

At the end of the day, I still love my parents. I know they love me, and that they want the best for me. And I learned a long time ago that not only do we have to accept people for who they are, but we have to meet them where they are. I can’t change my parents…nor do I want to. I love them and am grateful for the life they gave me and the love they have shown me in their own ways. Sometimes I have to remind myself that everybody is on his or her own path to self-actualization, and my path is ultimately a walk alone. But I hope that as my parents enter their twilight years of this life, we can find new meaningful ways to connect that help all of us feel heard and fulfilled. I want our relationship to continue to grow in a positive direction. That requires a lot of humility, love, and letting go. In those areas, I am still growing and can still learn a lot from them. After all, they are still wise in their years, and I value them immensely. Thanks for reading.